{ this moment }

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cheat moment: Camera hasn't been working this week, so I'm using a photo of a moment I'd like to remember of our Thanksgiving tradition, taking a photo in front of a volcano!- which is sadly covered by clouds in the distance. Um. This tradition has no origin, other than being a poor and bored college married couple one Thanksgiving- the tradition stuck : )

ps: happy autumnal equinox! Don't let it slip by, celebrate the season!

the art of nothing.

no photos today.
no stories.
today is a day of rest. I've planned for it all week.
Cleaned the house. Prepared meals beforehand. Said no to any and all opportunities for this day.
But I did grant one yes- to nothing. Sometimes we need to align ourselves again when life starts getting full and hectic; so, what methods do you live by when you need to go about realigning your intentions and values when you're stretched thin? Coffee date with a friend? Home spa treatment? Trip to the mountains? A good book?
feel free to share, friends.
Meanwhile, I'm going to go do nothing. Don't call me : )

here's to you, andrew.

I usually don't get too excited on other people's birthdays- unless they hand out treat bags, naturally.

but I'm pretty sure 28 years ago my parents made a freaking awesome baby. 

Eat cake today, friends. 

My big brother made it around the sun again! Happy birthday, Andy! 

right: my brother Andrew with his gorgeous wife, Sarah, and the cutest little boy you'll ever meet, Ezekiel.



In other news, sunrise watching?
The best medicine I know! I'm insanely grateful for the crazy beautiful mornings here in the Pacific Northwest- especially this past week.
How could you not be when you live in this beautiful mess?

 Picture is the lovely work of Jim Nieland. the peak is the lovely volcano, mt. st. hood! Mt. St. Helen (not in the frame) is slightly to the north, along with Mt. Adams. I love seeing these 3 beauties every day.

all those years my parents would tell my brother and I to go hang outside?

yeah, I totally get it now. 

and now I'm off to go make a fire on the porch, sip my tea, 

and watch the morning God is unfolding.
yay! 

the only thing most people know about me is that i make music.

most people remember me with short red hair, making music most days. 

but, 

I do other things too, I want to tell them.
for starters- my hair reaches down to my belly button.
and,
I make things.
I write.
I bakecookbrewpreserve.
I knit.
I wash my husband’s work shirts.
I vacuum.
I read.
I enjoy the scent of nag champa.
I love the escape of a quiet sigh when he’s sleeping.
I’m a star gazer.
I grow.
I prepare herbal remedies.
I don’t vote.
I used to manage a bookstore.
I wasn’t happy then.
I was sick. Now I’m well.
I gained 70 pounds when I got sick; pray for my thighs.
I hate restlessness.
I chew on thoughts- where are my shoes? Why is God silent?
I pretend to understand the game RISK.
I really don’t.

But in the end,  group conversation centers around others. They contribute, you see.
Eventually the question is asked, “what do you do?”
I have no answer. I usually smile, “my husband is my full time job.”
the humor is lost. “Do you still teach piano?”
I used to. 24 students.
But. Life was slim.
I teach only one lovely girl these days.
“Not really, just a family friend.”
“Are you back at the bookstore?”
No, thank you. “No, I stay home.”
“Oh.”

But I sing/draw/cook/clean/laugh/love/sew/read. I have projects. I’m getting my certificate in holistic counseling. I’m opening up an herbal business. I’m writing a book. Tyler & I started an online ministry for Lent. I’m struggling getting past the first trimester each pregnancy. I read this thoughtful book recently. Did you know the Apostle Paul was married once? Cedar is sick. Tyler and I tried out this cute café in Portland, the waitress wore red lipstick. The raw food diet healed me. Do you think I’d look silly in red lipstick?

But oh. They moved on to the next circle.
Someone is buying a house; someone’s daughter is teething. 

Similar stories are shared.
I come off shy, but I'm really not.
It’s usually around this time when my husband will squeeze my hand, and with that smile he reserves for such occasions, he’ll give me a remedy, a proverb of hope.  He promises one day we’re going to make friends who are interested in us too.
I believe him. I always do.

Meanwhile I’ll continue to listen to everyone. To participate in their life.
To laugh about silly things their children say, and listen about difficult co-workers.
And who knows, maybe one day they will pause and say, “what have you been up to these days?”
because I’d really like to share why I grew out my hair and left my job.

a monday start.

Monday came. Probably my favorite day of the week.
Monday Blues don't generally bleed into my week because I'm happy for the fresh start.
Change the sheets, open the windows, go over the weekly schedule, and forecast a new vision for the coming days. The weekly practice of undoing and re-stating intentions- goals.

Sometimes I write the goals out.
Sometimes I talk them out.
Sometimes I listen to what someone else has to say about my coming week, and shape from there.
Mr. Husband usually has thoughtful insights he shares with me; generally providing clarity.
The end result is always the same: keep with what produces fruit.
because,
when I'm aimless, I'm, well baby, aimless.
And the state of being 'aimless' has never been restful to me.
so forecasting goals, short or long, feels grounding.
like the most simple act of prayer.

so,
today feels like a writing day- and I'm going to enjoy this strange misty sea-weather we've been having, with a cup of hot apple cider naturally, and write out my intentions for the week. One after another.

clear direction.
clean this space. write that passage. read those words. pearl that row, and then knit two. and laugh, laugh often.

......and if I stray from the goals,
well.
that's just adventure.

what are some of your goals for this week?

{ this moment }

this is how I found Josef, apparently an extreme couponer, sprawled out in my coupons waiting to be filed. 

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a love affair

with arrows!

no idea where this current obsession came from, but I'm digging the arrows. 

here's my etsy finds (click on photo to link to buy). 

maybe I just like the idea of being a straight shooter : ) 

be well, friends! 

working on...

i've been working on: 

keeping the cats off the banister (I think I lost this battle the day we moved in)

baking honey apple bread with cranberries (hello fall!).

taking myspace-like photos in cars just for the fun of it (don't we all secretly do this?)

planning a solo trip to this exact location for a mini-day-writing-retreat 

turning the window area into a work space rather than a dining room

working as well on patience, drinking more water, catching up on emails,
laughing more, sitting less, meal prep,
not to mention how hard I've been working on
ignoring the cleaning list
feeling guilty about ignoring the cleaning list
and well....catching up on such said cleaning list.
.....an endless cycle.

my mantra has always been 'all things grow'.....but sometimes you gotta put in the extra work.

what are you working on? 

a curious creation

this was our cheap camera's humble attempt to capture the bon fire we had last night, with the full moon rising. I'm not sure why it looks like there is a shadow on the moon in this picture; it was beautifully full and bright.

we sat outside for hours, rotating the firewood,
watching the white globe lifting from the volcano and the mountains on the horizon,
weaving through our poplar rows,
until finally-
set out on a dark blue sea, stars gathering in her wake.

and i was
deeply grateful
that
i shared the same creator as her.

i've been working hard to close the distance between creation and I, if that makes any sense.
i grew up in a culture that repeated, "worship the creator, not creation."
but that mantra created divide; a divide that isn't natural.
i believe the creator created 'creation,'
we ought to watch and see what he is doing.
so.
full moon? changing tide? gathered evergreens? mother hawk?
i'm here, i see you, and i'm deeply grateful. we're a curious creation.
if he is still working in you, i'm confident he is still working in me.

the look

it easy for me to say one ought to put aside their hurt and be the bigger person, but there are some thorns deep in my side this month that has me wanting to do anything but. I think talking about painful situations is healthy, but sometimes for me it's easy to dwell. So when I'm on a venting kick, letting every negative thought and emotion I have over these thorns pour out and consume the space around me, these two will eventually look over at me at the same time with the look.

mr. husband has a sweeter look, more of a, "oh honey, you're being ridiculous now."
Cedar, our kitty, is a bit more annoyed and is ready to tell me to shut up.
despite the differences of their look, it usually shuts me up enough to get a quick picture- and to reflect.
Painful situations are painful- but I'm responsible for how I let them change the space I reside in.
pouring out negativity to my loved ones isn't going to heal the situation.
and it certainly isn't going to build them up.
Maybe I need this sign as a reminder (so I can avoid the look all together).

i have to train my tongue better.

most people complain about situations, it's the easy thing to do. 

I guess that makes me 'most people'....and a complainer. 

I don't know about you, but I hate getting stuck behind a complainer in the check out line.
....but I don't have the guts to shoot a stranger the look. 

that's reserved for husbands and highly annoyed kitties.

here's to a day of positive thinking.
or....shutting up.

surface of the sun.

this is a view from my backyard. It overlooks a meadow- complete with foxes, deer, cats hopping around for mice, and the constant mother hawk circling her tree. Despite the complete disarray of our backyard (poor unloved grass), I've been making effort this summer to spend at least an hour or two outside each day. We recently received a battered ol' porch swing, and a fire-pit on it's deathbed. Both need some tender loving care, but in the meanwhile, it's enough to make our porch 'cozy'. I've been pretty faithful to my 1-2 hour daily commitment. As well as a nightly visit. Just about every night we sit around the fire pit, watching the moon which is currently waxing her figure.

self-affirmation. To be completely honest, I've been running on empty these past few weeks. But somehow the warmth of the sun seems to improve all things lost. Who knew? Well, apparently it's common knowledge that the surface of the sun projects rays of shine to fill you up with Vitamin D which allows countless goodies and vitamins to absorb correctly. But when it comes down to it, I don't care what science has to offer me; I don't need the proof. I just know that the surface of the sun has been healing for me, so I continue with this practice. Usually I head outside with a drink, a notepad and pen (and today, Nips: coffee flavor), and write. Sometimes I doodle (like today), stare off, listen to the hawk, watch the cats, and well....breathe.
Soaking in the sunshine with gratitude.

My cup gets refilled, and I have the motivation to move forward.

be well, friends.
enjoy the sunshine.

{ this moment }

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this work of mine.

this Iron & Wine song is my soundtrack today.
the perfect tone for what I'm feeling.

today,
laying out in the sun.
reading of rosemary and lemon balm and bee balm. preparing and growing, as we all must.
and as I brew my herbs, extract their goodness, and bottle up their healing, I wonder what this work will make of me in the end.

some of my favorite herbs on their 4-6 week journey of extraction.
"hello, my name is" tags makes me think they are meeting for the first time.

Getting certified as a master herbalist and holistic coaching are not career moves for me.
I just find God here. Peace. Understanding. Love. Thoughtfulness. Healing. Life. Goodness.
so I continue with the work.

and while every once and awhile I have a very 'career' kind of thought, "I hope someone is willing to buy my velarian root in place of a sleeping drug," ----I mostly dwell on how much I want my good intentions to bleed through this work. These tinctures are made for healing, not for profit.


Are you not feeling well? 
Here, take a teaspoon of this and tell me about your day while I make you a cup of soup.

maybe it's my need to nurture.
does that make this work selfish in the end?

THAT kind of day.

it's been that kind of day.
you know what I'm talking about?
I know you do. the kind that isn't complete without mass confusion and consistent sleepiness.
This week Today has been an off day.
I have so much on my to do list that I've become completely and utterly blank. 'Out-of-it' mental state is frustrating, but today I'm just going to accept it as a sign  from my body and mental self that I need to seriously veg out.
I'm ok with that.
I don't know about you, but I have a system in place for these kind of days: hot cup of something, a Hayao Miyazaki film, knitting without a pattern,one pot dinner meals, sun bathing, scripture eating, and all the fruit I can muster.
off day? bring it.
what's your back up plans for that kind of day?  

a love affair

with mugs! 

autumn is just around the corner so I've been day dreaming about about these cozy eye candies.

click on photo for origin/seller. All are currently listed on etsy.com.

*Update: Sorry! The blog has been on a schizophrenic trip today! 

I'm pretty sure I've changed the design and colors at least once every few hours. 

This is a pretty new website, so it may change a few more times over the week 

until I get comfortable with the look and feel.

...you should try rearranging a room with me sometime. 

A guaranteed all night adventure of indecision.

I could use some fall about now; 

all cozy and bundled up with a mess of quilts-

hot cup of apple cider and a good book in reach. 

Here in the northwest, fall is complete with rain showers-

beautiful, all day showers, watering the evergreens.

Mr. Husband & I open the windows at night;
drifting asleep to that cool autumn air and rain melody.  

....meanwhile? I'm sprawled out in front of the box fan, 

clutching my ice water and loathing humidity, and all her sticky handshakes.  

Tonight we'll sleep to the sound of the a/c.........

the ending to this lovely summer blended into a sweaty mess of long humid days.
Not my favorite.

Are you looking forward to fall, or are you clinging to summer?

I've been getting up early lately. 

barefoot and opened to the possibility of 'morning.'
this is a new habit unfolding.
i sit outside on cold stone, feet extended into the grass-- watching 'morning' come about.

mornings of
winter solstice tea in september
scripture eating.
Cedar's purr.
childhood loneliness never bleeds out, does it?
toast with rose petals and honey.
the convenient nature of 1 ounce beeswax bricks
fast shipping, and their morning surprise arriving : )
nag champa burning
CSA pick up! Yay!
the way carrots taste from the csa share (no chlorine, yay!)
the way Mr. Husband always smells like tea tree oil when he gets out of the shower
the half dead poplar outside the kitchen window
i wonder if brilliant things are always creepy and crawling in the beginning
free porch fire pits, and the conversations that surround them.
growing.
Ishmael, and his tale of great seas while I sit on the porch swing (also free, yay!)
seeing my first real life woodpecker : )
rosehips. rosehips, and rosehips.
did I mention rosehips? Or, according to Word doc: rose-hips.
daydreams of bangs again
the first cool breeze whispering about autumn.
the first morning prayer.
first quarter lunar phase
giving into laughter
yarrow, and her rich promises
a friend with good news
lavender steeping
the mother hawk who inhabits our property
local wool, and the scarves they are born into.
the way the wooden floor creaks just so near the top of the stairs
the knit row after an hour of purling.
shaking tincture brews.
beekeeping class repeats
road trips-- even if it's only to the store
lessons- hard as they may be

I've missed a lot of mornings in the past few months.
I'm not sure how to plug back in exactly, at this point in my journey.
But at least I can show up, put my feet in the earth, and dwell with gratitude.

what does your good morning look like? 

{ this moment }

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healing space.

Cedar, our kitty, hanging out with my favorite homemade cleaning solution (recipe below!). 

When I got married 3 years ago, I made a promise to myself:
when he's up, I'm up. When he sleeps, I sleep. When he eats, I eat. A family schedule in sync.
Thus far, it's worked for us, but with his insane work/school schedule I'm pre-heating the oven at 1AM for dinner......um. Yup!

Sufficient to say, I get tired quickly these days!
Today I'm attempting to keep going. I might be slow, but I'm moving still. This last week kicked our butts as we adjusted to Mr. Husband's new school schedule, and the messy home seemed to be the daily smack down.

So armed with my favorite homemade all purpose cleaning solution, I'm attacking back.....in slow motion.

I don't know about you, but to me, cleaning a space feels as though you are healing the space.....even if it's accomplished in slow motion. All the tough moments this week, the draining energy, the negativity is healed when I clean the space. There's a really strong link between clutter and anxiety.

If I'm having a slow negative day and I just have zero energy, I'll set the timer for ten minutes and clean non-stop- really bad days I set it for 5 minutes : ) Every time I gain energy, I feel less stressful, and the clean space brings peace and harmony. Often I will set the timer again afterwards. It's amazing how much you can get done in 5-10 minutes. Simple short steps like making the bed (which on average, is 80% of your bedroom surface- clean the bed and your 80% there!), or vacuuming cleans out the negativity and leaves you feeling slightly lighter.

I can't tell you how long I spent staring at the dishes this week, instead of actually doing the dishes. So much time and energy dwelling on negative aspects of my home! And while I'm running on empty today, I'm determined to get them done. Slow motion or not, I'll keep moving!

At least the turtle won the race, right?

Make Your Own All Purpose Cleaner: 
easy to make, safe for everyone, insanely cheap!

• Fill a spray bottle 3/4 with vinegar (all recipes call for different ratios, but this is what I like the best). 
• Fill the rest with water (I don't recommend using tap). 
• Optional: add your favorite essential oils. This last batch I added bergamot and lemongrass. Lavender is another favorite option. 
• Works for everything (amazing for mirrors/windows too!). 

Don't worry about the vinegar scent.
After a minute or two when used, the scent disappears, while deodorizing at the same time.
How sweet is that?