these centers

I've been flirting with the concept of "center" these days.
Identifying what the centers in my life are,
what I want them to be,
and establishing the bridges between them.

I was pretty surprised how many things I was revolving around that were not my established centers.

some of them were pretty good causes- but they swallowed up time and energy. They left me as a pile of dried up bones, complaining through my day. Core points that I longed to be central in my life were getting pathetic, shallow treatments as I thinned myself out over a multitude of projects and desires. I wasn't being efficient anywhere.

so I've been simplifying, these days.
purging,
pruning,
stating clear intentions,
and establishing accountability to keep me on my claimed orbit.

since my flirtation with centers started, I've been pretty ruthless in reclaiming my path each day. A few days in and I'm already amazed how much it feels like the merry-go-round is slowly coming to a stop. The endless voices are actually ending, empty obligations are melting away, needless stresses are stepping off; meanwhile I'm revolving around what really matters to me and for me. My beliefs, my marriage, my home, my passions are no longer weekend projects when time allows, but the intention of the day. My days are actually beginning to feel like they are being laid towards my present and future.

fighting to keep this peacefulness going over the holidays, I've had to put on my big girl undies, use my best "final answer" voice, and say "No"....a lot. I hate hurting other people's feelings, but I hate living a fruitless life because of the constant compromises with time and resources. Do you ever feel like when we say we're exhausted and have nothing left, we've been in the role of fulfilling the centers of others? Our days are aimless, because we're tugged and pulled into other people's orbits- straying from our own? The holidays is usually when I shut down, please everyone else's agenda, and accept the lie that these days are shallow and empty. But this year I want to embrace something different- embrace the cold winter days, meditate on the nativity that I hold so dear, keep my husband within arms reach. Along with the constant cup of mint hot coco.
I'm going to fight for that.

so I'm keeping to my centers,
god,
tyler,
writing,
holistic living,
herbs,
holiday reflection,
earth between my fingers-
and I find myself returning to bed with gratitude.

I don't know about you, but I'd rather be living out of a place of gratitude than depletion.